Choke the Smurf

My son has come to me several times in the last few months asking to have a rocking chair, which he purchased for $5, added to the living room. We have told him no because the addition of a chair would make the space very crowded, as the chair would have to sit in the center of the room, and within that arrangement it would be very ugly. Not to even mention that the chair is upholstered in electrical tape or a dark duct tape. His “retort” to our (gracious) explanation (because we don’t have to explain any decisions about furniture and decorating our home) is to get angry. Indicating that there is no place for him to sit and watch TV. There is a significant lack of seating in our living room. We have only two small chairs, but one or both chairs are almost always available.
Let me explain the reason why the chairs are frequently open. First, I am a graduate student and as such spend a great deal of time either away from home or in my office where I do my work. Second, my wonderful wife is a nurse who is currently working 4 (yes, FOUR) jobs, hence she is frequently away from home. Now before anybody goes on a rant about absentee parenting let me add that my son is 18 years old and has a significant aversion to spending time with “the family.” Finally, when my wife or I watch television we are (nearly constantly) criticized for the programming we select. Sorry to anybody over the age of 30 who thinks that Jackass, Bleach, or music videos are quality programming. As a last aside, I would like to add that we have TiVo (and we love it), so it’s not even like he is missing his choices.
The idea that we do not have enough seating is rather stupid. The reaction to our decision is even worse. Here we are, as home owners, and we are being railed against for the way we choose to decorate our house, from a person, with no job, no vehicle, no high school diploma, and who won’t do household chores without being paid.
So here is my solution. If you want to add a tape upholstered chair to MY house, in a place I don’t believe it should go, you get to pay for this privilege. Additionally, I am not going to ask for money because I believe that any money he makes should be saved to purchase a car. For the rental of the center of my living room I would ask that you pay me in chores. Here is a simple list of things that I would expect: keep your bedroom picked up; vacuum the house once a week; put your dishes in the dishwasher (when empty); if the dishwasher is full – empty it; stop stealing soda from me; mow the lawn 3-4 times a month; help take the garbage out. This is a list of six simple things that you do not do, that you could do to rent a space in the middle of my living room. I thing this is a generous offer, as I am not very often in the living room and these are things that most people are required to do just to live in a home.
The real problem I have has nothing to do with a recliner-chair or TV watching or even the chores themselves. My real problem is that this “Boy” of 18 is a total bloodsucking leech, but believes that he has a rough life. I might agree that he has had a rough past, but not now. I might agree even if he had outside obligations like a job or school, as his “special” high school is only 10 hours a week and has NO homework. I just can’t bring myself to cut him slack here. At any rate, my real problem, is that despite my (and my wonderful wife’s) best efforts we have not been successful at teaching him to be a good person to live with.
I could list his flaws (excessive pot smoking, lack of a job, lack of attendance/participation in high school, rudeness, stealing, general disrespect…), but as I make this list I feel like an even bigger failure. I have failed to teach him even some of the most basic things. You should believe me when I say we tried. We spent years and much energy trying to instill in him the principles and morals that we believe in. Long hours were spent discussing methods and means by which we could instruct him. Countless time was spent trying innumerate interventions. All of which were somewhat successful.
When I indicate that there were “somewhat” successful you start to gain a picture of what an uphill battle we have been fighting, but it still feels like I am SO desperately short of our goals.
Sitting and feeling sad I was just struck with a question. What does it feel like to have healthy children? What is it like to have a “normal” or stereotypical parenting experience?