I WISH

I wish I were a Bird, cuz if I were a Bird
Then I could take wing high above you
You could watch my white wings flap
And I could take a great big crap
on anyone who tried to hurt you
But then I’d have to desert you
Flying southward in the fall
I don’t want to be a bird after all

I wish I were a dog, cuz if I were a dog
Then I’d do tricks to show I love you
I could run and fetch the stick
And I could sit right down and lick my privates
Whenever you mom came over
But if I was your Rover
you’d have my testicles recalled
I don’t want to be a dog after all

I wish I were a deer, cuz if I were a deer
Then we could play out in the forest
Till you shot me by mistake
Then you would carve me into steak
With a touch so sweet and gentle
Keep my head as a memento
Hanging in the upstairs hall
I don’t want to be a deer after all

I wish I were a monkey, cuz if I were a monkey
I could be you furry jester
And when ever you were blue
You’d come and see me at the zoo
My antics would be reassuring
But I would always reek of urine
and throw my feces at the wall
I don’t want to be a monkey after all