To be a therapist...

So we just did a supervision where I was the therapist - I found myself bristling at the feedback AND I don't really know why I reacted that way.
I felt like I wanted to justify my all of the feedback and thus invalidating the response.
So I divide the experience in to Cognition and Affect.
Cognition – all of the feedback was useful and could help improve or at least head off potential problems. The feedback was sound and accurate. It had great specific examples. It was both positive and negative – validating and constructive.
Affect – I had a vile reaction to the experience. I am somewhat feedback adverse, but in past noted experiences I attributed it to a lack of specificity and vague (thus hard to place) feedback. I just bristled. Perhaps I was unintentionally degrading the supervisor and thus invalidating the feedback. I did not know the person and did not understand the credibility (somewhat of a show me). I wonder if it would be different if the person was a PsyD and had a greater degree of establishment? Would I assign it more value?

An emotional response problem – the person who was providing feedback was light and airy and had this sing-song voice. She was very non-threatening, but may have sacrificed credibility ( or rather I murdered it) because of her floating ethereal way. I moved too far into the realm of affect and thus was not in (my) correct frame of mind to take feed-back.

It is going to be tough to take guidance and be supervised by someone with that sing-song style of speaking.

Plus, it is really tough (at my current level) to see myself as successful as a therapist. Thus getting negative feedback can serve to damage or contribute to problematic self-esteem. I get the feeling of “how will I ever be able to get this?” I am just trying to think of the next question and get all the information for a Dx or not miss a piece that I will need later, then to look at inserting metaphor or not using specific words. It looks daunting.

It also feels schizophrenic! I have a million thoughts being juggled and they are all screaming for attention. Here I am trying to check off the symptoms from the DSM, trying to establish rapport, trying to meet the client where there are, be empathetic, paraphrase their emotions, observe the non-verbal signs, mirror client statements, ask opened ended questions, let the client go where they need to go, validate the clients problems and emotions, ask hard questions, get all the social Hx, medical Hx, family Hx, Tx Hx, Dx Hx, Rx Hx, and like a billion other bits of information AND do it all in a way that meets the person-centered ideology.

Let alone use motivation interviewing, explain all of the legal stuff (informed consent, disclosure, etc.) and being helpful. Will the client return for a second session? Will the client commit suicide? Was something I could’da/should’da/would’da have done.